Knitted profanity seems quaint

If you’re offended by profanity, turn away now, Dear Reader. You have been warned. Enter at your own risk, and if you’re scandalized, don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’m making some How Cold Is It mittens. I think these things are hilarious and I’ve never actually made mittens for myself. With the NEVERENDING winter this year I thought I should make some.

That’s the palm side. I’m using some Colinette Jitterbug in Elephant’s Daydream for the main color, and some Lotus Mimi in Red for the contrasting color.

That’s the side that shows to the world. The text will say “Cold as Fuck” when finished.

So far my only mod is to go down a needle size because I’m a loose knitter, and I’m adding a thumb gusset. Starting at Row 15 of the chart, I added an extra stitch before the end of round (EOR) and made mirrored M1R and M1L on either side of this stitch on the next row, and continued increasing on the outside of those gusset stitches until I reached 25, alternating colors.

There’s something delightful about knitted profanity. I grew up in a household where the f-bomb was commonplace, so blame my heathen upbringing, but I think these are funny as hell. I can’t wait to finish both so I can keep my hands warm and stylishly profane!

27 Comments

Carrie on February 3, 2014 at 7:12 pm

These are awesome! Love them!

Abbe on February 3, 2014 at 7:46 pm

Love it!! Even my husband had a chuckle and he barely swears, unlike me….

Brittani on February 3, 2014 at 9:13 pm

I love these! I’m trying to decide between these and the your mother ones,lol. I love the colors you picked, they’re gonna be awesome.

Debra Davis on February 3, 2014 at 9:24 pm

Appropriate and beautiful!

cedwards83 on February 3, 2014 at 10:15 pm

Love these!!!

lollyknits on February 3, 2014 at 10:43 pm

I absolutely love the combination of traditional fair isle mittens with such hilariously profane content! These are awesome.

gingermakes on February 3, 2014 at 10:54 pm

Hahahahahahaha! Too funny!

Nice piece of work on February 3, 2014 at 11:01 pm

love these!!!

branchingmama on February 4, 2014 at 6:33 am

Cant wait to see the finished profanity mitts this made me laugh.

phoebekentland on February 4, 2014 at 7:23 am

Reblogged this on Phoebe Kent .

Sabrina on February 4, 2014 at 7:31 am

I love these soo much!!!

mollieandclaire on February 4, 2014 at 9:01 am

Fantastic!

shoelaceswitcher on February 4, 2014 at 10:11 am

Those are hilarious and perfect!

hoppinglark on February 4, 2014 at 11:14 am

I just saw this pattern the other day and it made me smile. For some parts of the world right now, that message is totally accurate.

Angela Hickman on February 4, 2014 at 11:41 am

So entirely appropriate for this winter that will not end.

Craftie Allie on February 4, 2014 at 1:31 pm

Hehe, I’ve been loving seeing this progress on Instagram! I love your color choices and the mittens make me giggle!

feelgoodknitting on February 4, 2014 at 5:48 pm

I love those every time I see them. They so suit my mood at this point in the winter…

Allison on February 4, 2014 at 6:41 pm

Coming from a circle of friends and family who hate the cold, those mittens seem like an awesome knit!

Teresa on February 4, 2014 at 10:06 pm

The mitts are awesome. I showed them to two of my brothers. The older brother chuckled, the younger brother was disappointed to find out I wasn’t knitting him a pair…

Kerry Knits on February 5, 2014 at 10:13 am

Knitting makes profanity seem kind of classy.