While thinking about writing about body acceptance, I struggle not to diminish my own feelings about and self-related struggles at all due to the much greater societal issues like racism, political unrest, lack of good healthcare, job losses, etc. I decided to write about this again anyway, because I know when I find stories from other people going through the same thing I feel less alone. 
I made more Bob pants, this time in the size recommended for my measurements instead of the smallest size I thought I could make and get on my body. Last time I believe I made size eight pants, which I can put on, but moving around in them in the ways that I want to move my body in a pair of pants caused some seam rips. This time I made size fourteen pants and I love the way they feel when I move, and I love the way they look. I was vanity sizing on my own, based on numbers that I should just forget about. These pants are made from linen canvas that I got from Fabric.com. The top is an Ogden Cami with some rayon challis also from Fabric.com.
I’ve been on an intuitive eating journey for the last year after a year and a half before that of eating almost no carbs. Based on everything I’ve read about intuitive eating, gaining weight after strict restriction is always normal. Sometimes it just sucks when we live in a culture that focuses on thin bodies being superior to other bodies. I’ve internalized that strongly, and have parents and some grandparents that were never/still are never satisfied with their bodies and were/are almost always on a diet of sorts, or saying they need to be on a diet. I do not want to carry that legacy forward. I love that there is so much more body positivity now, but it does take time and mindfulness to catch the gremlin thoughts that say over and over that my body should be thinner and it’s not good enough right now. Some days I have no problem with this and go about living in my body in a joyful way, and other times I get caught in a comparison trap, comparing my body to those of thinner folks, or to my previous thinner self. It’s hard to be positive about it every single day. 
Sewing helps with this, because as I outgrew every single pair of pants from when I was on the keto diet and I don’t have a pair of jeans that fits (or any other pants), I’m just going to replace them with some that I make. I haven’t weighed myself since last December, but previous clothes do not fit. It’s disheartening sometimes, but I also am gaining joy from learning a new skill, and elastic waist pants are the best. 
One thing that has helped recently is by following the hashtags on Instagram for #size14 and #size12 to flood more of my feed with bodies that look like mine and I can see are beautiful. I also follow some intuitive eating/body positivity accounts like this one and this one and this one. Do any of you struggle with body love and acceptance? What helps you?
I think you look great and your sewing skills are amazing. I think it is more important to be healthy and active and just not worry about size. I have also found that sizing is an illusion because sizes are not consistent when you shop. So I have a range of sizes in my closet and really just want to wear comfortable clothes. I am old, though, and no one is looking at me so I can do what I want as far as clothes go. Thanks for your post!
I totally agree that it’s more important to focus on health and activity. Some days are just harder than others! I think we should all embrace doing what we want with our clothing regardless of age!
I just made a pair of Bob pants myself and I’m liking them very much. They do feel great to move in, don’t they? I love the silvery gray fabric you used, so nice and drapey.
They feel fantastic! I’m making Free Range Slacks next. The Arthur Pants are by far my favorite so far for major positive ease that still looks great!
I think you look great, and my experience is that when you sew clothes the sizing is very different from store bought clothes. Thank you for posting this today! I have been in a funk all day because I have gained weight and it’s driving me crazy. As a late 50s woman who has crossed the menopause line, I find that I am still battling all the “you have to be thinner” messages that I have held onto since I was a teen! It’s time to give them a kick to the curb and enjoy my healthy and still strong body while I can. I have exercised more this summer by walking and biking than I ever have, which makes me feel good despite the few extra pounds. I am glad you are working to push those body image messages out of your life at a much younger age than I am. Stay strong and keep on sewing (and knitting!)
Thank you for sharing your feelings about this as well! Focusing on strength and feeling good in our bodies is definitely a better way to shift perspective. Congrats on all of the exercise! I’ll never give up knitting or sewing at this point. 🙂
Yep. Yep. Yep. Over a decade ago I had to give up sugar and carbs due to a bacterial imbalance in my gut. I lost 1/4 of my body weight. I got a lot of praise and attention, but I knew it wasn’t sustainable. I knew I would return to a more typical diet once my gut issues were under control. I slowly returned to my previous weight, although I feel stronger and healthier this time around. I’m also steadily outgrowing my wardrobe due to emotional eating and lack of exercise due to covid, plus my hormones are changing thanks to middle age. I’m sewing clothes, although it seems like my size changes from one day to the next, or even within the same day. I would feel more at peace with my size if I had more consistency with my wardrobe.
I feel like those fluctuations are going to continue to be a ride for awhile for me. It is frustrating. I’m ready for some kind of settling but maybe that’s going to take awhile. Thanks for sharing your story.
You are so beautiful inside and out my friend! Size is just a number.
Thank you, friend.
This was just what I needed to hear today, thank you! As it’s getting cooler I have to face the fact that none of my pants fit comfortably anymore. Gaining weight? Fluctuating body shape? I just ignored the discomfort when I was physically going into work every day? But maybe what I need is a set of Bobs. Or go back to wearing skirts since I can’t get back in the lab, anyway.
Bobs are amazing! There are so many many great pairs of pants that have an elastic waist out there right now. I like Arthur pants even more for the stylish positive ease, but Bobs are simpler and faster. Thank you for sharing your feelings!
Those pants look awesome I really want to learn how to sew! And your top 😍
Thank you! Sewing has been one of the best ways to cope with anxiety during quarantine for me. I hope you give it a shot.
Haha one of these days for sure!
I have the Bob pants in my Amazon basket… I should buy it and get going on my own pair of Bobs. They look great on you!! I’m dealing with the other problem as I make things large so that they will be really loose on me (I have fibromyalgia) and sometimes I overdo it and the finished product looks like I’m drowning in fabric. Thanks too for letting me know your fabric and source. I just love, love, love linen and have been getting some great cotton linen blends in my impulse buys on Amazon.
I had no idea that Amazon had fabric! Uh oh! So far with the pant patterns I’ve made it seems like on the second or third time I make them I am revising a little something every time to get the fit better. It’s definitely a learning process to get it just right for our bodies. Thank you for sharing!
I think you look great! I’m also learning little by little to love my body type and use the knowledge of what looks great on me and feels comfortable through sewing. And those pants and top are right on trend with the “quarantine chic” look! It’s awesome! Thanks for sharing the link for the pants. I would like to sew up my own pair very soon!
Quarantine chic! I love that so much! I hope you make the pants and enjoy them. It’s definitely easier to work on body acceptance by making clothes that make me feel beautiful in this body.
Oh yep, all of this. Even in my thinnest days, I thought I could stand to lose a few, and now I look back at those photos and realize how bonkers that was. And now that depression and anxiety and aging have all added pounds, it’s a daily battle to remind myself that weight and worth are not tied together. Wish I had an answer, but it does help to hear from others, so thank you for sharing!
Thank you for sharing! I’ve done the same thing to myself and yes it is crazy ridiculous. I don’t know if there was ever a point in my life where I was totally satisfied with my body and it’s bananas.
I have the same problem lately. A lot of this is stuff I “Inherited” from my mother (thanks!) who also isn’t happy with her aging (and passing this on to me). I used to work out regularly (more or less 😉 ) and it helped with my depression, but since March, this isn’t possible any more of course (at least not in the gym), and that in addition with meds has let to me putting on weight as well. 😉
I struggle. Not gonna lie. Clothes I have worn for years don’t fit properly any more, and it sucks. I thought of myself as being body positive, but apparently, that only lasts while it doesn’t concern me. 😉 I haven’t tried dieting though – I have a controlling streak and I don’t want this to go into dangerous territory for me.
But you are absolutely right – we should learn that it doesn’t matter THAT much and that if it matters, I can go and exercise. I’m learning, too – and since I only started knittin sweaters (after almost a decade of knitting, lol!), I think I will benefit from making my own clothes as well.
It’s so hard to change the way we talk to ourselves isn’t it. I am currently talking about my non running body as opposed to being critical. Its takes so much work though. Have you read Meg from Sew liberated blog about the different sizes of her body. It’s brilliant! Well done!
I do love Meg! She’s great body positive inspiration. It gets easier and easier to notice the thoughts, then challenge them.
Thank you so much for this post, it resonated so much. Last year I put on 10kg because I had an IUD fitted. I went from crippling pain to freedom, it just came with some extra baggage! It is hard to see my body in the mirror sometimes, I compare to what I used to look like even though there is no way I would consider going back. The joy of sewing means I just make myself some new clothes! Jeans that actually fit are my newest triumph! One of my goals for sewing was to sew for the body I have now, and not ‘save’ my precious stash fabrics for when I’ve mythically lost weight. I find this really hard. Like I’ll be wasting the fabric on the body I have now, which is ridiculous. I getting better at it, next step is to cut into my precious cone mills denim!
I haven’t weighed myself in a year, but I’m guessing that’s about how much I’ve gained. It is hard when no clothes fit and trying to have the mindset that is worth using the beautiful and precious fabric. Should things change there will be other beautiful and precious fabric.
I want to try to make jeans this year. I bought some stretch denim, but it’s a little thinner than I thought, so I guess it will be practice.